Will you blow on my dice?
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
