My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
You just made me feel so damn special
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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