there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
