I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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