He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
