She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
