Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
