glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
The best revenge is premature balding
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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