I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
