some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
