Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
