LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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