Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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