Well apparently he's into motor boating.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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