Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Randomize
