he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
