oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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