I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i just google imaged poop.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Randomize
