How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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