let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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