Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
