Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(970): View more from Colorado

Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed

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(306): View more from Saskatchewan

So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street

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(336): View more from North Carolina

Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.

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(302): View more from Delaware

this must be what syphilis tastes like

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it

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(252): View more from North Carolina

Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.

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(519): View more from Ontario

I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything

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