I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
