Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Randomize
