As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
