So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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