Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
it wasn't lemon gatorade
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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