God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
