maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
whose ass print is on the piano?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Randomize
