i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize