If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
