I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
