Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Randomize
