guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
