Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
