sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
