Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
