I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
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