I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
