So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
