He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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