shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
