Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
