Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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