Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize