This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Randomize
