tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize