I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
