Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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