I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
