i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
