She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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