Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
