My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
