onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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