Having a random hookup so left but love u
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
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