Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
