You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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